Adequate burger (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

Chattanooga goes wild over new, mediocre restaurant

Adequate burger (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:
Adequate burger (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

The collective populace of Chattanooga is going completely batshit crazy over the opening of a new chain restaurant which serves common, acceptable food.

Although patrons may expect to wait a minimum of one hour before being seated, that has not deterred any customers from coming and ordering a variety of sandwiches, burgers and fried food.

The restaurant is part of the highly successful B.M.I. Saturday’s franchise which offers standard American casual dining, without any surprises.

“This place isn’t some fancy-pants restaurant that’s trying to show off,” said local customer Harris Kasterson. “It’s not lagging behind, either. It’s right in the middle, the way I like it.”

“I love the chicken fingers,” said Ooltewah resident Andie Prestyn. “They’re pretty much like the chicken strips you can get at McDonald’s, but here they’re served on a plate, which is a nice touch.”

Analysts predict that B.M.I. Saturday’s may soon be Chattanooga’s favorite restaurant, besting both Sushi, Mayo and More and Greasy Italian Restaurant You Only Go To On Birthdays To Take Advantage Of The Free Birthday Meal.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

Previous Story

“We Buy Golf Clubs” ad to be featured during Super Bowl

Next Story

Drug-fueled “Dating on Speed” matchmaking events take speed dating to next level

Latest from Food/Drink