August 2017

John Wise begins 900 room apartment construction on site of recently denounced Confederate cemetery

After Mayor Berke announced the city of Chattanooga would renounce the Confederate Cemetery on East Third Street, Developer John Wise announced he has already begun erecting a 900 room apartment complex. The construction began just days after many cities throughout the United States began removing Confederate monuments from public spaces.

Experts are claiming people shouldn’t get too upset about the new apartments as its low-quality construction probably won’t allow it to last as long as the civil war did.

“What people hate more than dead Confederate soldiers is the lack of more apartments,” explained Wise. “I also have plans in the works to build a statue of me on top of a pile of demolished historical buildings.”

Mojo Buritto fires Roy Exum

After his controversial article about Charlottesville and its mayor, local columnist and year user of AOL in the year, 2017 Roy Exum announced he has been fired by Mojo Burrito. The termination came just days after Mojo Burrito owner Eve Williams let go of an employee who openly supported white supremacist cartoons and attended a rally last Saturday.

“Our company does not support those who look to place the actions of the alt-right on others, especially those who may or may not work here,” explained Mojo Burrito owner Eve Williams.

“I didn’t know a snowflake woman owner could fire me from a place I didn’t know I worked,” explained Exum.