GIGTANK!

GIGTANK’s “Demo Day” on August 6 brings together in “Gig City” Chattanooga some of America’s brightest, perkiest and most promising entrepreneurs, who will pitch their technologies to a panel of experts. Who will emerge from the GIGTANK victorious and who will get tanked? The Chattanooga Bystander profiles the startups and their ground-breaking, innovative ideas.

“Imagine if you will, a world where low-income families can receive free baby clothing and diapers with no burden whatsoever on taxpayers or even charities,” said Fran Hindelmeyer. “Imagine these clothing designs being transmitted automatically across the Internet and printed at home, for ultimate convenience.”

“The future is here, my friends,” said Hindelmeyer to a roar of applause.

Hindelmeyer described how the new startup BabyBillboard has joined forces with advertising partners for this new textile printing technology, which creates custom-made baby clothing printed with advertising with an all-in-one unit that only requires an Internet connection.

“This is a win-win situation. Struggling, poor families get baby clothes at no cost to them, while corporations get valuable advertising,” said Hindelmeyer. “Who knows where this idea might go. Google is one of the most powerful companies on the planet, and most of its revenue comes from advertising.”

“Everybody loves babies,” said Hindelmeyer. “People can’t take their eyes off them, and people love to take photos of them. That’s what makes them perfect for advertising space.”

“One of our advertising partners is the condom manufacturer Durex,” said Hindelmeyer. “It’s a perfect match. What better advertisement for condoms is there, than a screaming, bratty baby wearing a Durex onesie?”

GIGTANK’s “Demo Day” on August 6 brings together in “Gig City” Chattanooga some of America’s brightest, perkiest and most promising entrepreneurs, who will pitch their technologies to a panel of experts. Who will emerge from the GIGTANK victorious and who will get tanked? The Chattanooga Bystander profiles the startups and their ground-breaking, innovative ideas.

“It is safe to say that the ‘That’s What She Said’ mobile app will dramatically change the way we communicate,” said TWSS Technologies founder Cynthia Kerautty to the expert panel.

“That’s what she said,” said TWSS Technologies software developer Sylvester Chundler while pointing to Kerautty, eliciting laughter from the entire room.

“Studies have shown that if you reply to any statement with ‘That’s what she said,’ then 29% of the time, it will be funny,” explained Kerautty. “Statistically speaking, those are good odds, which we wanted to exploit with our new app that will surely revolutionize texting.”

“After you install our app, whenever you receive an incoming text message, the app will automatically and indiscriminately reply back with the text ‘That’s what she said,'” said Kerautty. “Sometimes, it won’t make any sense, but when it works, put on your earmuffs because big laughs are coming.”

Regarding the future of the app, Chundler explained that his team of developers has been working diligently on the next version of the app that will respond to incoming text messages with the phrase ‘Don’t go there.'”

GIGTANK’s “Demo Day” on August 6 brings together in “Gig City” Chattanooga some of America’s brightest, perkiest and most promising entrepreneurs, who will pitch their technologies to a panel of experts. Who will emerge from the GIGTANK victorious and who will get tanked? The Chattanooga Bystander profiles the startups and their ground-breaking, innovative ideas.

“Are you one of the thousands of people who are looking to spruce up your website into a Chattanooga government approved web orgasm,” asked CHATASITE CEO Derek Peters, to a panel of GIGTANK 2013 judges. “Well look no further than our new startup entitled: CHATASITE!”

CHATASITE is a local startup that uses the same technology and logic behind the controversial Chattanooga.gov $328,000 makeover several years ago. Customers can input the URL of their existing website via a web form, pay the measly $328,000 and receive a custom makeover within 6 to 8 months.

“CHATASITE has the amazing ability to take all text, even those included in pictures, and convert them to Chattanooga’s own Chatype font,” explained Peters, to a roar of applause from the audience. “We even have the spectacular technology to include moving background images and links to the client’s Facebook and Twitter accounts!”

“What CHATASITE has to offer is really astonishing,” said GIGTANK attendee and GPS student McKinsey Adams. “My parents have the 328 grand, and I have the Twilight fan page that is right up its alley.”