November 2021

Brian Joyce pins nightclub issues on Donald Trump presidency

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Fans of public intoxication had to take the weekend off from their favorite watering hole/nightclub due to a plethora of beer board violations against the now infamous Blue Light club on Station Street. Owner and local radio personality Brian Joyce says the blame can only be placed on one factor, and that is somehow the presidency of Donald J Trump. 

“What you’re looking at here is the past presidency of Donald Trump aka Drumpf causing Blue Light staff and myself to drink on the job and then sell drinks in the street,” explained Joyce, while thumbing thru some “Occupy Democrats” tweets for material. “We are still coping with this orange dictator making our lives miserable again when he said he would be making America great again!”  

Sources said Blue Light employees were preparing for a full “January 6th” style insurrection of the venue by beer board members because “that’s what the Cheeto-in-chief” would want. 

Note: Chattanooga Bystander is anti-trump

Invisible Buffalo Wild Wings gang armed with BB guns announces run for Hamilton County Mayor against Weston Wamp

Just weeks after Zach Wamp’s won Weston Wamp annouced he will be running for Hamilton County Mayor due to the retirement of current Mayor Jim Coppinger, an invisible gang of troublemakers armed with BB guns have annouced they have thrown their invisible beanie caps in the race as well.

“We intend to show that law enforcement seems to be doing alright around here,” explained the Invisible gang, standing in front of a non-existant Red Toyota Corolla.