“I urge the public to remain calm in this severe crisis,” said Haslam. “Stay inside, lock your doors, and don’t get on Facebook, Tumblr or Reddit for at least the next 48 hours, I implore you.”
The divisive issue has caused friends and family members to turn on each other with violent disagreement, over a simple matter of color perception with regards to a particular snapshot of a dress.
“Team White and Gold has occupied the Southside, while Team Blue and Black has taken over the North Shore,” said Police Chief Fred Fletcher. “I’ve heard murmurs of martial law, but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“There are riots, looting, naked napalm-scalded children running through the streets, screaming,” said resident Katharin Pourlay. “I haven’t seen so many people so angry about an issue since Coke changed its formula in 1985.”