Couple (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:

Drug-fueled “Dating on Speed” matchmaking events take speed dating to next level

Couple (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:
Couple (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:

For years, speed dating – which refers to organized dating events where singles have brief conversations with several potential partners – has been a viable option for time-strapped singles by pairing like-minded people and softening the blow of rejection.

Still, for those who haven’t found speed dating to be speedy enough, an enterprising local matchmaker, Robin Surrath, has developed a new idea to take speed dating to the next level: Dating on Speed.

“This is an idea whose time has come,” said Surrath. “It’s accepted that Tennessee has the worst meth addiction problem out of all 50 states, so why not use that to our advantage, to bring lovers together?”

The first “Dating on Speed” event will be held at the Kings Lodge Motel located near the Ridge Cut in Chattanooga, and it will cater to lonely meth enthusiasts with short attention spans.

“At a typical speed dating event, you might meet six to ten people,” said Surrath. “However, at a Dating on Speed event, you are going to meet at least ten times that many people: 60 to 100 potential partners.”

Although this seems logistically impossible, Surrath said that Dating on Speed uses a method inspired by Twitter, where participants are not allowed to say more than 140 characters to each other before moving on to the next person.

Surrath clarified that Dating on Speed is strictly a BYOM (“Bring Your Own Meth”) event, and motel rooms will be available at a special discounted hourly rate for couples who wish to escalate their newly formed relationships as quickly as possible.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

Previous Story

Chattanooga goes wild over new, mediocre restaurant

Next Story

Both pro-union and anti-union campaigns offer promise of handjobs to VW workers

Latest from Culture