Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene owns stock in vaccines, Jewish space lasers

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After it was reported that U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene owned stock in three COVID-19 vaccine makers earlier this month, despite being critical of vaccines and vaccine mandates, further disclosures have revealed that Greene also owns stock in Jewish space lasers.

Scrutiny of Greene’s financial disclosures shows ownership of stock in the Goldfarbstein conglomerate, which makes diverse products including matzo, chocolate coins, dreidels, and high-powered space lasers.

Some have speculated that these Goldfarbstein space lasers could have terrifying capabilities, such as starting wildfires, vaporizing gentiles, or making a laser light show extravaganza based on the music of Neil Diamond.

“Representative Greene’s hypocrisy is disturbing, especially knowing that these Jewish space lasers can cause such mass destruction,” said north Georgia resident Finn Showalter. “It’s frightening to think that after a laser attack, your anguished cries would be said to no one there. And no one heard at all.”

“Not even the chair,” said Showalter. “Oy vey.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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