City bans IPAs to address racial displacement issue

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After Chattanooga Organized for Action (COA) released a report about racial displacement in and around the downtown area, the city passed an ordinance to temporarily ban craft beers of the India Pale Ale (IPA) variety.

In the last year alone, local craft breweries introduced over 300 new IPA varieties, and social scientists commonly use the number of local IPAs as a metric when determining the level of gentrification that has occurred in a specific area.

“It’s a complicated issue, but you can’t argue with statistics,” said local sociologist Cris Tutweill. “Affluent, educated people can’t get enough of those hoppy Pine-Sol bong-water brews.”

COA’s report pointed out that one of the largest declines in African-American homeownership in the country happened in Chattanooga between 2005 and 2015, and neighborhoods that saw an influx of over 5,000 white residents simultaneously lost over 2,500 African-Americans.

“This seems like a drastic measure, but surveys have shown that 85% of craft beer drinkers are white, and by golly, we’ve got to try something,” said Tutweill. “If this doesn’t work, maybe we can ban saisons.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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