Office temp workers (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:

School board to hire new superintendent from temp agency

Office temp workers (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:
Office temp workers (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source:

The Hamilton County Board of Education announced yesterday afternoon that it would seek a replacement for Superintendent Rick Smith by using a local temp agency.

Smith was criticized for his handling of the Ooltewah High School rape case, and his attorney negotiated a half-million-dollar buyout package that was opposed by several board members including Rhonda Thurman who believed that Smith could be fired.

“We are sick of this buyout bullshit,” said one school board member. “Next time, we are going with a temp worker, so if they royally screw up, we’ll just hand them an empty cardboard box and tell them to gather their things and hit the bricks, pal. Welcome to Unemployment City. Population: you.”

“You’ve got to make sure they don’t take a handful of pens right before they leave,” said another board member. “Or touch Karitsa’s stash of La Croix in the communal fridge.”

A previous Hamilton County superintendent, Jim Scales, was offered a $282,000 buyout in 2011.

Some local leaders have called for the new interim superintendent to be an outsider, to place distance between the Ooltewah scandal and the school administration, and the strategy to go with a temp worker is in line with that idea.

“We will have high standards for the new superintendent,” said the school board. “He or she must be able to use Microsoft Word and type at least 40 words-per-minute. No exceptions.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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