At a press conference yesterday afternoon at Cleveland State Community College, it was announced that the women’s basketball team had changed its name from Lady Cougars to Lady MILFs, soon after the opening of its 2013-2014 season.
“The name ‘Lady Cougars’ didn’t bring to mind the image we wanted,” said women’s basketball coach Pam Wassermann. “When you think of a female cougar, you think of a withered middle-aged lady wearing too much make-up and an animal print top, smelling of the stench of desperation and a cheap Chanel No. 5 knock-off you’d find in a truck stop bathroom, haunting the line-dancing floor at the Electric Cowboy.”
“We wanted to convey a woman who was a little younger, yet just as feisty,” said Wassermann.
“Now a MILF, that’s different,” said Wassermann. “A MILF is a strong, active, fertile creature, ready to pick up junior from daycare after a busy day of hot yoga, shopping at the farmer’s market and selling homemade jewelry online on Etsy.”
Wassermann clarified that it was not required for a team member to have given birth or to be sexually attractive.