City Council schedules 143 Zoom meetings to hear citizens’ police concerns

After a marathon 7-hour City Council meeting on Zoom, including statements from over 250 citizens, the City Council scheduled an additional 143 7-hour Zoom meetings in order to hear all of the concerns from citizens regarding the police budget, after 10 days of protests and marches in the aftermath of George Floyd’s death.

“We’ve got thousands more statements to listen to, and we’ll listen to them all, by gum,” said one councilperson. “We’ve got a case of Diet Coke. We’ve got packs of NoDoz. We’ve even got those eye clamp things to force our eyes to stay open, like in the movie ‘A Clockwork Orange.'”

“We do want to suggest that people talk as fast as they can, and if possible, take speed-talking or auctioneer classes on the web,” said the councilperson.

“Also, try to be economical with your words,” said the councilperson. “Like, instead of saying, ‘police brutality is a motherfucker,’ you could simply say, ‘police brutality is a fucker,’ and save yourself two syllables.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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