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Women’s Rally seeks men to manage next year’s event after low turnout

After the Chattanooga Women’s Rally on Saturday experienced a low turnout of around 80 people, controversially changing its direction from a protest march to a non-activist event including a conservative speaker, organizers announced that it would be seeking men to manage next year’s event.

“Sometimes you just need a big, strong, smart man to open a jar or lift a heavy box or organize a women’s rally,” said rally coordinator Cheryl Harnland. “I get dizzy just thinking about it!”

This year’s controversial Women’s Rally was a spinoff of the International Women’s Marches, which were events protesting President Trump, and in 2017, the Chattanooga Women’s March had around 3,000 participants.

The organizers changed the focus of the event this year to commemorate the centennial of the 19th Amendment, rather than having a protest march, and this change received significant criticism, since it included having state Representative Robin Smith (R-Hixson) speak, whose non-progressive voting record on social issues including LGBT rights, abortion and health care was considered to be anti-feminist.

“We’ll let the boys figure it out for next year’s rally, but one thing we definitely want next time is a big singalong version of ‘Kumbaya’ while everyone holds hands,” said Harnland. “Someone also suggested a wet t-shirt contest, which might be fun.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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