Southside sign #1

Southside violence problem solved by new signs

In a stunning development, it was revealed that a few new signs posted at the parking lot near the Southside nightclub Coyote Jacks completely solved the area’s ongoing late-night violence problem.

“There. All better,” said a representative from the community. “All you have to do is ask politely, and people will behave.”

One sign reads “If it is between midnight and 6 a.m., shouldn’t you be at home in bed, getting a good night’s rest so that you are refreshed and ready to tackle the challenges of a new day, by golly?”

Another sign reads “Hope you are having a pleasant evening, and, oh, by the way, do us a big favor and please don’t murder anyone here”.

One suggestion to force Coyote Jacks to only play the song “Don’t Take Your Guns to Town” by Johnny Cash over and over was shot down.

Southside sign #2

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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