Southside Social doubles down on dress code, requires tuxedos, gowns


After receiving overwhelmingly negative feedback regarding its dress code, the bar and bowling alley Southside Social doubled down on its dress code, now requiring all patrons to wear tuxedos and gowns.

“We here at the Southside Social want to keep things classy, so that’s why all customers will be required to wear formal evening wear while they bowl and drink beer,” said Winston Adair Rothchild III, a representative for the Southside Social. “If you don’t like it, then you can take your business elsewhere, you filthy peasants.”

“It’s true that we want a more selective audience,” said Rothchild, who was wearing a silk top hat. “We want to attract people who seek the finer things in life – discriminating consumers, you could say.”

While the dress code was written to reduce the possibility of violence, some people believe that the code went too far by banning many items including backward ball caps, hoodies and oversized chains and could be construed as targeting blacks.

“Southside Social is the place where the grown, sexy and mature crowd goes to party,” said Rothchild, before adjusting his monocle. “When you hear the phrase ‘grown, sexy and mature,’ we want you to think of Southside Social, and not MILF porn.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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