Sen. Ted Cruz (by Gage Skidmore, used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license.)

Sen. Ted Cruz gets “sick tats” at Standard Ink

Sen. Ted Cruz (by Gage Skidmore, used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license.)
Sen. Ted Cruz (by Gage Skidmore, used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license.)

After U.S. Sen. and Republican Presidential candidate Ted Cruz gave a speech at GraceWorks Church in Chattanooga yesterday morning, he revealed that the primary reason for his visit was actually to get some “sick tats” at Standard Ink Tattoo Company on Frazier Ave.

Cruz was fulfilling a suggestion he made last year, as reported by The Washington Post, that the words “Growth” and “Opportunity” should be tattooed on every Republican politician.

Apparently inspired by Robert Mitchum’s character in the film The Night of the Hunter, Cruz had the two words tattooed across his knuckles in a 3-D font resembling the one used by Metallica on its Master of Puppets album cover.

“This is some sweet-ass ink,” said Cruz while sitting in the tattoo parlor chair. “If I have enough time today, I’m going to get another tat, of Calvin pissing on a copy of the Affordable Care Act, on my caboose.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

Previous Story

Downtown YMCA Youth Soccer team to face winner of U.S. vs Costa Rica

Next Story

Local dollar theater plans upgrade to offer luxury while watching Hollywood tripe

Latest from Politics