{"id":2254,"date":"2019-02-15T21:04:49","date_gmt":"2019-02-16T02:04:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/?p=2254"},"modified":"2019-02-15T21:04:57","modified_gmt":"2019-02-16T02:04:57","slug":"school-closings-blamed-on-children-not-vaccinated-for-cooties","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/2019\/02\/15\/school-closings-blamed-on-children-not-vaccinated-for-cooties\/","title":{"rendered":"School closings blamed on children not vaccinated for cooties"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Hamilton County Schools were closed today due to illness, and an outbreak of cooties was to blame, despite the wide availability of a vaccine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“It may look like innocent hand-holding, but let me tell you, boys and girls, spreading cooties is no laughing matter,” said school nurse Pat Grundersen. “And if you’re not vaccinated, don’t even think about sharing a milkshake, even while facing each other with two separate straws, like you’re in a dang Norman Rockwell painting.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Experts point to the anti-vaccination movement and the misconception that vaccines cause autism<\/a>, which has long been debunked<\/a>, as the root cause of this local cooties epidemic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This year, there has been a measles outbreak in Washington state<\/a>, and according to the CDC, up to 56,000 flu-associated deaths can occur annually in the United States alone<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You know all those Precious Moments angel figurines<\/a>? You ever wonder why they’re in heaven?” said Grundersen. “Cooties.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hamilton County Schools were closed today due to illness, and an outbreak of cooties was to blame, despite the wide availability of a vaccine. “It may look like innocent hand-holding, but let me tell you, boys and girls, spreading cooties is no laughing matter,” said school nurse Pat Grundersen. “And if you’re not vaccinated, don’t even think about sharing a milkshake, even while facing each other with two separate straws, like you’re in a dang Norman Rockwell painting.” Experts point to the anti-vaccination movement and the misconception that vaccines cause autism, which has long been debunked, as the root cause<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2253,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2254"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2254"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2254\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}