{"id":2136,"date":"2018-09-04T19:59:37","date_gmt":"2018-09-04T23:59:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/?p=2136"},"modified":"2018-09-04T19:59:37","modified_gmt":"2018-09-04T23:59:37","slug":"local-beard-oil-supplies-dangerously-low-before-moon-river-festival","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/2018\/09\/04\/local-beard-oil-supplies-dangerously-low-before-moon-river-festival\/","title":{"rendered":"Local beard oil supplies dangerously low before Moon River Festival"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Authorities have cautioned the public to remain calm after it was revealed that local reserves of beard oil have become dangerously low, in advance of the Americana\/roots music <a href=\"https:\/\/nooga.com\/214865\/moon-river-music-festival-relocates-to-chattanooga\/\">Moon River Festival<\/a> this weekend in Coolidge Park.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Be warned, we may have to start rationing or placing anti-price-gouging controls on our remaining supplies of beard oil,&#8221; said local distributor Sam Lumberplaid, while stroking his beard like it was the flaxen tail of a magnificent steed.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Believe me, you don&#8217;t want to see thousands of Avett Brothers fans with severe cases of beard itch,&#8221; said Lumberplaid.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Authorities have cautioned the public to remain calm after it was revealed that local reserves of beard oil have become dangerously low, in advance of the Americana\/roots music Moon River Festival this weekend in Coolidge Park. &#8220;Be warned, we may have to start rationing or placing anti-price-gouging controls on our remaining supplies of beard oil,&#8221; said local distributor Sam Lumberplaid, while stroking his beard like it was the flaxen tail of a magnificent steed. &#8220;Believe me, you don&#8217;t want to see thousands of Avett Brothers fans with severe cases of beard itch,&#8221; said Lumberplaid.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2135,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2136"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2136"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2136\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2135"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}