{"id":2111,"date":"2018-07-28T22:20:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-29T02:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/?p=2111"},"modified":"2018-07-28T22:27:35","modified_gmt":"2018-07-29T02:27:35","slug":"southside-violence-problem-solved-by-new-signs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/2018\/07\/28\/southside-violence-problem-solved-by-new-signs\/","title":{"rendered":"Southside violence problem solved by new signs"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a stunning development, it was revealed that a few new signs<\/a> posted at the parking lot near the Southside nightclub Coyote Jacks completely solved the area’s ongoing late-night violence<\/a> problem<\/a>.<\/p>\n

“There. All better,” said a representative from the community. “All you have to do is ask politely, and people will behave.”<\/p>\n

One sign reads “If it is between midnight and 6 a.m., shouldn’t you be at home in bed, getting a good night’s rest so that you are refreshed and ready to tackle the challenges of a new day, by golly?”<\/p>\n

Another sign reads “Hope you are having a pleasant evening, and, oh, by the way, do us a big favor and please don’t murder anyone here”.<\/p>\n

One suggestion to force Coyote Jacks to only play the song “Don’t Take Your Guns to Town” by Johnny Cash over and over was shot down.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Southside sign #2<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a stunning development, it was revealed that a few new signs posted at the parking lot near the Southside nightclub Coyote Jacks completely solved the area’s ongoing late-night violence problem. “There. All better,” said a representative from the community. “All you have to do is ask politely, and people will behave.” One sign reads “If it is between midnight and 6 a.m., shouldn’t you be at home in bed, getting a good night’s rest so that you are refreshed and ready to tackle the challenges of a new day, by golly?” Another sign reads “Hope you are having a<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2112,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2111"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2111"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2111\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2112"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}