{"id":2090,"date":"2018-07-01T17:11:29","date_gmt":"2018-07-01T21:11:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/?p=2090"},"modified":"2018-07-01T17:11:29","modified_gmt":"2018-07-01T21:11:29","slug":"satan-opens-up-portal-next-to-broad-street-walgreens-in-hopes-to-score-some-good-drugs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/2018\/07\/01\/satan-opens-up-portal-next-to-broad-street-walgreens-in-hopes-to-score-some-good-drugs\/","title":{"rendered":"Satan opens up portal next to Broad Street Walgreens in hopes to score some good drugs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In an effort to score some great earthling medications, resident Hell spokesman Satan opened up a sinkhole right next to the Broad Street Walgreens with a path directly to his lair.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Sources a new loophole in the system has caused freshly deceased hell bound souls to leave any sort of prescription medications on earth while departing for the lake of fire.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou may dispose of any sensitive HIPPA information in a designated bin, but please send the good shit down to me,\u201d explained Satan. \u201cIt\u2019s hard keeping focused with all these fresh souls, so send down some Adderall ASAP.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In an effort to score some great earthling medications, resident Hell spokesman Satan opened up a sinkhole right next to the Broad Street Walgreens with a path directly to his lair.\u00a0 Sources a new loophole in the system has caused freshly deceased hell bound souls to leave any sort of prescription medications on earth while departing for the lake of fire.\u00a0 \u201cYou may dispose of any sensitive HIPPA information in a designated bin, but please send the good shit down to me,\u201d explained Satan. \u201cIt\u2019s hard keeping focused with all these fresh souls, so send down some Adderall ASAP.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2091,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2090"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2090"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2090\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2091"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2090"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2090"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2090"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}