{"id":1505,"date":"2016-04-26T20:24:21","date_gmt":"2016-04-27T00:24:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/?p=1505"},"modified":"2016-04-26T20:24:21","modified_gmt":"2016-04-27T00:24:21","slug":"local-gangs-agree-to-truce-over-bathroom-bread-thawing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/2016\/04\/26\/local-gangs-agree-to-truce-over-bathroom-bread-thawing\/","title":{"rendered":"Local gangs agree to truce over bathroom bread thawing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>After weeks of relentless violence, representatives from Chattanooga area gangs have agreed to a cease fire. Members say the shocking revelation of a local restaurant thawing out their sandwich bread in bathrooms have rendered members in a disgusted state where the willpower to continue drive-by shootings and stabbings has stopped.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShooting up a house over claiming public property to be yours must be done on a full stomach,\u201d explained local gang member Jeffrey Stephens. \u201cJust the thought of enjoying a tasty sandwich that has been exposed to poo-particles, leaves me without an appetite to continue my childish and moronic profession.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After weeks of relentless violence, representatives from Chattanooga area gangs have agreed to a cease fire. Members say the shocking revelation of a local restaurant thawing out their sandwich bread in bathrooms have rendered members in a disgusted state where the willpower to continue drive-by shootings and stabbings has stopped. \u201cShooting up a house over claiming public property to be yours must be done on a full stomach,\u201d explained local gang member Jeffrey Stephens. \u201cJust the thought of enjoying a tasty sandwich that has been exposed to poo-particles, leaves me without an appetite to continue my childish and moronic profession.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3,4,5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1505"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1505"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1505\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1505"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1505"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1505"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}