{"id":149,"date":"2013-04-01T22:41:08","date_gmt":"2013-04-02T02:41:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/?p=149"},"modified":"2013-08-18T11:26:31","modified_gmt":"2013-08-18T15:26:31","slug":"flu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/2013\/04\/01\/flu\/","title":{"rendered":"Chattanooga Area Schools Winter Flu Outbreak Traced to Wal-Mart iPad Display"},"content":{"rendered":"

Are you one of many parents looking for answers on why the flu outbreak was so bad this past winter? Look no further than the electronics department of the Hamilton Place Wal-Mart.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Hamilton County Police Department and city scientists have traced the flu source to a Apple display that prominently features one of its flagship products, the iPad.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s at least 300 to 400 little snot-nosed shits touching all over that thing\u201d electronics department day shift associate Ken Michaels declared, \u201cit\u2019s like a canvas for these kids, if one were to use snot instead of finger paint.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"ipad\"<\/a>The 2012-2013 Flu season is on track to become one of the worst outbreaks in history. Many schools were forced to close their doors due to the sheer numbers of students, teachers, and bus drivers that had been diagnosed with the virus. Some school districts even had school buses that had previously transported flu-infected passengers incinerated.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter many man hours and fine detective work, we have come to the conclusion that this iPad is\u00a0the culprit of the influenza outbreak.\u201d Detective Joe Rodreguz explained, while pointing to the iPad in question. \u201cThe only way can assure the fine people of Chattanooga that this doesn\u2019t happen again is for all little snot-nosed shits to be fully sanitized when entering our stores, or for parents to quit dumping their kids off while shopping.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you one of many parents looking for answers on why the flu outbreak was so bad this past winter? Look no further than the electronics department of the Hamilton Place Wal-Mart.   The Hamilton County Police Department and city scientists have traced the flu source to a Apple display that prominently features one of its flagship products, the iPad.   \u201cThere\u2019s at least 300 to 400 little snot-nosed shits touching all over that thing\u201d electronics department day shift associate Ken Michaels declared, \u201cit\u2019s like a canvas for these kids, if one were to use snot instead of finger paint.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":142,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/149"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=149"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/149\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/142"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=149"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=149"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chattanoogabystander.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=149"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}