Food/Drink - Page 6

D-Dawg’s Guide to Chattown: Foodtrucks

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photo taken from google.com

So apparently the new “big thing” in C-town is “trucks” that have food in them. First of all, when I think of trucks, I think of Ford 150’s.  These are more like moving vans that have windows chainsawed into em. It would be pretty badass to have some dude slingin’ burgers in the back of a F150. That dude would most def get some of my hard earned ca$h

When coming in contact with these food trucks, ya notice one thing is missing. Where the fuck is the Taco Bell food truck? Come on C-town, ya gotta support the TB. I get it that supporting local business is good for the economy and yadda yadda (Seinfeld), but da masters of the fourth meal gotta represent.

While me and some bros were shootin some a-noon pool late last week at the CBC, we noticed out the window dat a circle of food trucks were up in this bitch. That kinda sucks that this place could have made a great place for sum more parking. Easier access to local faves like da Taco Mac or the R&B to catch a Dave cover band is severely needed. I hope the new mayor fixes this shit ASAP.

In closing, food trucks are a good place to grab a quick bite if you want to eat food out of a fucking truck. It’s gonna be hot up in that bitch, so you’ll probably taste some sweat.

 

D-Dawg’s Guide to Chattown: Chili’s

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When hitting up the hottest Chattanooga nightspots, ya gotta go where shit is the tightest. My name is Desmond “D-Dawg” Cooper, and I’m a UTC frat guy and “go-to” brah when suggesting the best places to hit up after hours in the down-t. I’ve found one of the best places to truly capture the atmosphere of the C-town is the Chili’s on Market Street.

Chili’s is located within reasonable drunken stumbling distance of the frat house, which makes it a great place to get your drink on, while saving dad’s money rather than catchin’ a cab. It sits in a prime location that is adjacent to another local favorite, the Applebee’s, and the Hairy Dog.

Upon entry, you’re greeter by either some hawt babe with big ol T’s, or some skinny brah that I could easily beat up. I mean this guy is a pipsqueek and probably isn’t even man enough to pledge. One-on-one with me on the beer pong and this dude would go crying back to his mamma.

The best time to visit Chili’s is during game time. The Bud-L and Miller-L is usually damn cheap, and you can get torn up in no time. With so many flat tv’s up in this bitch, you will never miss a play when it is game time. The mild wings are definitely a fav for my frat bros and I. If you’re looking to make the evening more enjoyable, shots can be obtained on the cheap. Obtaining said shots from a hot bar tender makes the experience even better.

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Photo courtesy of tripadvisor.com

I believe the Chili’s has the best of what Chattanooga has to offer: local flare, beer, shots, wings, and sports. If you and your bros ever decide to hit up the Chattown Chili’s, let em that D-Dawg sent you.

Sofa King Juicy Burger inspires other edgy restaurants

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Sofa King Juicy Burger logo
Sofa King Juicy Burger logo
The new restaurant Sofa King Juicy Burger in Red Bank, which officially opened its doors on March 12, has already garnered national attention from media outlets such as the Huffington Post for its name which contains a hidden expletive. Seemingly inspired by this idea, other Chattanooga restauranteurs have announced upcoming eateries that also feature edgy, memorable names.
  • Crêpe Fantasy Crêperie – In a television commercial for the Frazier Avenue crêperie called Crêpe Fantasy, a perky waitress asks a customer, “Are you ready to be crêped in the mouth?  You just look like you’re asking for it!” as she brings him a plate full of strawberry-covered crêpes, dusted with powdered sugar.  Rubbing his palms together in anticipation, the customer enthusiastically says, “Crêpe me!”  Crêpe Fantasy will offer a variety of both sweet and savory crêpes, including its own house specialty which features a special filling made from imported Bejjou and Gousbi dates, called the “Date Crêpe.”
  • Special Kneads Bakery – With a staff entirely composed of people with developmental and physical disabilities and disorders such as Tourette Syndrome, this Bluff View Art District bakery and coffee shop will offer artisanal bread, pastries and fresh-roasted coffee with colorful names such as “Shortbus Shortbread,” “Pineapple Upside-Down Syndrome Cake” and “Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte FICK! FICK! FICK! FICK!”
  • Burritos So Good You’ll Literally Shit Yourself – Vincent Sackster, founder and owner of Burritos So Good You’ll Literally Shit Yourself, is quick to point out that the Mexican food prepared at his restaurant uses freshly prepared ingredients (locally grown, whenever possible) but does not actually contain any laxatives.  “When people bite into my burritos, they will be so overwhelmed by the vibrant scents and flavors that they might possibly lose all control of their bodily functions,” commented Sackster.  The Main Street restaurant’s appearance is unique, with individual seats that resemble commodes and rolls of paper napkins mounted on the wall, as if they were toilet tissue.
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