After Tenn. Governor Bill Lee announced plans for the Music City Loop – an underground tunnel connecting Nashville’s downtown with its airport, intended only for Tesla vehicles – it was revealed that the project has been expanded to also include bachelorette party buses.
“I looked at the numbers, and getting these bachelorette party buses off the downtown streets will really help with our traffic congestion issues,” said Nashville City Planner Jamie Deckless. “Anyone who’s out in Nashville on a weekend can attest that the streets are clogged with these obnoxiously loud mobile monstrosities, with plastered tiara-wearing ladies projectile vomiting neon green margaritas and littering the streets with party favors, like coozies that say ‘Maid of Dishonor.'”
Critics of the Music City Loop tunnel project, to be completed by Elon Musk’s Boring Company, have cited concerns including a lack of transparency, complicated geological challenges, and negative environmental impacts, such as spilled low-grade paint-thinner-scented vodka drinks contaminating waste water drains and excessive plastic garbage, primarily in the form of novelty crazy straws in the shape of penises and testicles, from the party buses.
The Boring Company’s Las Vegas tunnel project has been criticized for skirting labor, building and environmental regulations, which some claim does not bode well for the Nashville project; however, local politicians have hinted that they’re willing to look the other way if such issues arise and possibly adopt, as part of a new piece of legislation, Las Vegas’s “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” official ordinance.
The idea for including bachelorette party buses in the Music City Loop was proposed by Tesla’s generative A.I. assistant Grok, in “unhinged” mode, which also suggested calling it the “Music City Tunnel of Fuck” with giant flaming dildos to provide lighting and the sound of grindcore band Pig Destroyer being pumped through loudspeakers at deafening levels.
