At a rally today at the Bessie Smith Cultural Center in Chattanooga, Democratic billionaire presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg announced that he has selected the Monopoly Man as his running mate.
“This was a tough decision to make,” said Bloomberg, the former mayor of New York City who is the ninth richest person in the U.S.A. “But, he was the most qualified candidate for Vice President I could find, and by ‘most qualified’ I mean ‘most filthy stinking rich.'”
“Every night, he sleeps on a giant mountain of gold coins, and it’s true that he named his oldest daughter ‘Capital Gains,'” said Bloomberg about the Monopoly Man, also known as Rich Uncle Pennybags.
Bloomberg said that the Monopoly Man beat out other worthy Vice Presidential candidates that were under consideration, including Scrooge McDuck, Richie Rich, and a tiny metal top hat.