Blackburn, Bredesen agree to debate about soccer team names

After plans had fizzled out regarding a possible October 1 debate in Chattanooga, U.S. Senate race candidates Marsha Blackburn and Phil Bredesen finally agreed to an impromptu Chattanooga debate yesterday as long as the topic was limited to selecting a name for the new Chattanooga Pro Soccer team.

“Dear God, can we all agree that all of these names are pretty horrible?” said Blackburn. “I mean, Express? Generals? Ironhorses? Red Wolves? Sporting Chattanooga? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“This is the one and only topic in which we are in total agreement,” said Bredesen. “The shit is weak.”

“Why should the public vote on this? This is democracy at its worst,” said Blackburn, with Bredesen nodding his head.

“It’s like a kick in the balls, pun intended,” said Bredesen.

Online voting on the Chattanooga Pro Soccer website ends today.

Francis Porkloin
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