Panhandlers eagerly awaiting re-opening of Miller Park

Members of the local chapter of the panhandling union (Panhandlers Local Union 58008) are eagerly anticipating the grand opening of Miller Park on September 14 after undergoing renovations for the last year.

“It’s been a rough year,” said local panhandler Coots McGooligan. “Most of us had to disperse and hang out in other areas, like the benches at Market and 7th, or across the street from Warehouse Row at 12th and Market.”

“We’re ready to take over Miller Park, to share our vivid stories of misfortune,” said McGooligan. “It’s Miller time!”

Francis Porkloin
Latest posts

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.