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Station Street renamed Vomit Alley after open-container ordinance passes


After the Chattanooga City Council passed an ordinance yesterday allowing people of legal drinking age to carry open containers on Station Street next to the Choo-Choo, another measure was approved to change the name of the street to “Vomit Alley.”

“We just wanted to be honest with what we’re getting into,” said the Council in a written statement. “After a seemingly endless night of downing brightly colored margaritas, it’s inevitable that at least a few heavy drinkers will let out some liquid laughter, adding to a rainbow river that flows down the street.”

“It’s just more fun to drink outside,” said resident Carl Fetsing. “Kind of like peeing outside is more fun. And with this new ordinance, we’ll definitely be seeing more of both.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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