Roy Moore / Brotherhood of Roys symbol

Roy Exum defends Roy Moore as member of “Brotherhood of Roys” commentator Roy Exum defended Roy Moore, the Alabama Republican nominee for the U.S. Senate, amid accusations that Moore initiated sexual contact with a 14-year-old girl in 1979, citing solidarity as a member of a centuries-old secret society called “The Brotherhood of Roys.”

This comes in the wake of a bombshell story published by the Washington Post about alleged encounters Moore had with four teenagers when Moore was in his early 30s, which Moore denies.

“We Roys need to stick together, through the thick and thin,” said Exum, who was wearing a long, purple velvet cloak.

“If Roy said that the story about him wearing tighty-whities and fondling a 14-year-old girl is completely false, well, I just have to believe him,” said Exum, who was carrying an ornate, bejeweled scepter with a live falcon perched on it. “Because that’s what we do in the Brotherhood, after we’ve gone through all 23 Roy Rites.”

Exum tied a small vial to one of the falcon’s talons and launched the falcon into the air, saying, “Fly! Fly this potion of strength to our Alabama brother!” before closing his eyes, lowering his head and making an “X” with his forearms.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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