Ending a series of heated arguments regarding calls to remove the statue of Confederate Army Lt. Gen. A.P. Stewart from the front of the Hamilton County Courthouse, a compromise was reached between opposing sides, where the statue is allowed to stay but must wear a silly hat.
“A government building shouldn’t honor the Confederacy, which fought to preserve slavery, but we also shouldn’t try to erase history,” said Fran Mirtizan, a moderator between opposing sides. “Ideally, this statue of General Stewart would go to a museum, but we reached an agreement where the statue wears this ridiculous novelty hat that looks like a tiny putting green on a golf course.”
Both sides agreed that the silly hat would be changed on a monthly basis, and for the month of November, Stewart will wear a giant foam cowboy hat.
“There. All better,” said Mirtizan.