Andy Berke caught kissing reflection in mirror after re-election

Shocking allegations have emerged that Mayor Andy Berke was caught kissing his own reflection in a mirror after being re-elected last night, according to sources.

“It was totally weird,” said one anonymous witness. “First, he was talking to his reflection in this kind of high, baby voice, saying, ‘Who’s a big, strong two-term mayor?'”

“Then, he changed his voice into a deep, manly voice and said, ‘Andy wants some candy,'” said the witness. “Then he closed his eyes and just started kissing his reflection, like, really going to town.”

“There are some things that you just can’t un-see,” said the witness.

Last year, Berke was accused of having an inappropriate relationship with his senior adviser, and her husband allegedly caught the two kissing.

“Let me be clear: the allegations are absolutely false. I do not and never had an inappropriate relationship with that mirror,” said Berke at a press conference today.

The mirror has not returned multiple requests for comment.

Francis Porkloin
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Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.