Chattanooga haunted houses show horror of city without gigabit internet

In response to what some one-time visitors of Chattanooga believe would be a shithole wasteland of horrors and less gentrification, area haunted houses brought those fears to life this Halloween.

One local favorite Rock City opened their attraction called “DSL hell”, in which gnomes were unable to launch their startups due to milliseconds slower page loading times.

Even area Church judgment houses went along with the popular theme.

“With gigabit internet, were able to save at least 2 to 3 souls faster an hour over much slower internet speeds.” explained local pastor Reverand Rick Davis. “I weep for the souls that are eternally burning in the fire and brimstone within the depths of hell due to insufficient internet speeds.”

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