Halloween fog (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/6r5Dns)

VW repurposes diesel cars as Halloween fog machines

Halloween fog (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/6r5Dns)
Halloween fog (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/6r5Dns)

Auto manufacturer Volkswagen unveiled at its Chattanooga manufacturing facility an ingenious way to sell its diesel cars – the sale of which had been halted after the discovery that they used a “defeat device” for emissions testing – by marketing them to be used as Halloween fog machines, rather than as vehicles.

“Chattanooga is home to some of the best haunted houses in the region, and every haunted house needs a good smoke machine,” said a VW spokesperson wearing a skeleton costume at a press conference this afternoon. “These mobile fog machines emit thick clouds of pollutants, which will make your haunted house that much more spooky.”

The VW spokesperson stressed, while he winked conspicuously, that the mobile fog machine should only be towed from place to place and not driven, although the driving capability of it had not been disabled.

“What can I say? They outsmarted us,” said a representative from the Environmental Protection Agency. “They’re selling them as fog machines, rather than cars, so they don’t have to abide by all the regulations regarding vehicle emissions. VW, you magnificent bastard.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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