Citing a breakthrough in print technology, scientists from the Chattanooga Times Free Press have discovered a new way to include video of their very own Harrison Kelly in the print version of the newspaper, a feature that was only previously available to lucky online viewers.
“We are very excited to finally unleash the beautiful smiling mug and soul patch of the lovable Harrison Keely to our print only subscribers,” said Times Free Press spokesman Doug McLeitch. “When our customers receive their newspaper and unfold it, a video will autoplay of Mr Keely telling what we need to know today. Usually a rape or a cop beating.”
