TN dyes lethal injections green for St. Patrick’s Day

Injection syringe (Modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/nQS5KZ)

In Tennessee, Death Row just became a little more festive today, as the Tennessee Department of Correction dyed its lethal injections green to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

“Some of us with Irish blood say that we bleed green,” said Department of Correction representative Eoghan Maeleachlainn, who was dressed like a leprechaun. “Well, these convicted criminals about to receive the death penalty will literally have green running through their veins, after they receive these lethal injections.”

Lethal injections have been increasingly difficult to procure, due to export restrictions upon European pharmaceutical companies for such drugs, making such occasions even more special, and in 2014, Governor Bill Haslam signed a bill to allow the use of the electric chair for executions, should lethal injections be unavailable.

In addition to the Death Row inmates receiving their requested last meals, they will also receive a green mint-flavored McDonald’s Shamrock Shake.

“Today, these hardened criminals will be slain. Or should I say: Sláinte!” said Maeleachlainn, while raising a pint of Guinness.

Francis Porkloin
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Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.