Gov. Bill Haslam (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

New billionaire Gov. Haslam to splurge on new black leather jacket

Gov. Bill Haslam (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:
Gov. Bill Haslam (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

After seeing his fortune double to make him a new billionaire in the last few months, Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam announced today at a press conference that he was going to make a splurge purchase on a new black leather jacket.

“My fellow Americans, the time is right for me to own a new, sweet-ass black leather jacket,” said Haslam. “Before, I was going to wait and ask for it for my birthday, but my wife Crissy said to me, ‘Billy, treat yourself. You deserve it.'”

Forbes magazine estimated that Haslam’s net worth grew from $980 million in August to around $2 billion, due to his stake in the truck stop chain Pilot Flying J, making him the richest politician in the U.S.A.

“It is true that I already have a leather jacket that I bought from an ad in one of those Sunday paper supplements for $59,” said Haslam. “Sadly, though, I couldn’t tell from the picture in the ad that the leather material is actually made up of many small irregularly sized scraps sewn together.”

“That’s why it was only $59,” said Haslam.

Haslam announced that he plans on going to the Banana Republic store at the Hamilton Place Mall this Saturday evening to purchase a moto-style leather jacket for around $450, before going to the Golden Corral buffet for dinner at 7 p.m. to show off his purchase.

“Crissy and I usually hit the early bird special there, but not this Saturday, because, doggone it, I’m worth it,” said Haslam.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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