Rossville City Hall

Rossville to ban abortion, may also ban miscarriages and “pulling out”

Rossville City Hall
Rossville City Hall

After the city council of Rossville, GA unanimously gave preliminary approval earlier this week to an ordinance that bans abortion, it announced that it is considering expanding the language to ban any obstructions to the reproductive process, such as miscarriages and the “pulling out” method of birth control.

Although law experts have deemed the ordinance unconstitutional, violating the U.S. Supreme Court case ruling “Roe v. Wade” in 1973, Rossville officials anticipate the ordinance passing into law at the next council meeting on December 8.

With the proposed new scope of the ordinance, having a miscarriage–commonly referred to as a “spontaneous abortion” before the 1980s–would be illegal, with women expected to turn themselves in to authorities.

“We thought, ‘Why stop there?'” said councilman Jethro Grobbes. “Once the procreative wheels are in motion, there should be nothing in place to stop them.”

The new language of the ordinance would also ban the act of coitus interruptus, also known as the “withdrawal method” or colloquially as “pulling out,” which is withdrawing the penis during intercourse before ejaculation.

“Remember, in the Book of Genesis, God killed Onan after he ‘spilled his seed on the ground’ while nailing his brother’s widow, refusing to impregnate his sister-in-law,” said Grobbes. “Life is precious, y’all.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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