
* Republicans, bingo-playing winos pleased by election results
* Gov. Haslam pulls football away at last second as Democratic opponent tries to kick it
* Coat-hanger industry stocks soar upon news of Amendment 1 passing
* Vietnam veterans can now legally recreate the Russian Roulette scene from “The Deer Hunter” for charity under Amendment 4
* Passing of “wine in supermarkets” referendum finally allows consumers to purchase Mad Dog 20/20, ammo, birth control, Miracle Whip, gerbils and video cameras in one place
* Bald, adulterous patient-fucker re-elected