Sen. Bob Corker and wife Elizabeth

Sen. Corker and wife have victory sex after VW announcement

Sen. Bob Corker and wife Elizabeth
Sen. Bob Corker and wife Elizabeth

After Volkswagen announced yesterday that it would manufacture its new SUV, the CrossBlue, in Chattanooga, Senator Bob Corker and his wife Elizabeth celebrated by having victory sex.

“It’s time, baby,” mouthed Corker to his wife standing offstage, shortly after Volkswagen’s news conference in Wolfsburg, Germany, where Mayor Andy Berke, Hamilton County Mayor Jim Coppinger and Governor Bill Haslam were also in attendance.

Six months ago, while Volkswagen workers in Chattanooga were deciding whether or not to have union representation from the United Auto Workers, Corker stated that he was “…assured that should the workers vote against the UAW, Volkswagen will announce in the coming weeks that it will manufacture its new mid-size SUV here in Chattanooga.”

Volkswagen disputed the claim, and Corker received criticism for possibly swaying workers unfairly to vote against the UAW – criticism which mounted when no such announcement from Volkswagen emerged in the following weeks.

Feeling vindicated, Corker and his wife had vigorous, triumphant coitus last evening, according to reports.

Political analysts stated that this was one of the more notable examples of celebratory politician intercourse in the new millennium, alongside George W. and Laura Bush’s post-Iraq-invasion hardcore banging and Barack and Michelle Obama’s six-hour fuckfest after the Affordable Care Act was signed into law.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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