"Macho Man" Randy Savage (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/6To3sn)

Man Xpo about sports, trucks and perpetuating patriarchal hegemony

"Macho Man" Randy Savage (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/6To3sn)
“Macho Man” Randy Savage (Used under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/6To3sn)

Man Xpo, called “Chattanooga’s first manly man event,” will celebrate sports, hunting, trucks, cigars, beer and the perpetuation of the patriarchal hegemony today at Finley Stadium and the First Tennessee Pavilion.

“James Brown sang, ‘It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World,’ and no truer words have been sung,” said Man Xpo spokesperson Kent Broadchest. “Every day is a man’s day, 365 days a year, so to shine an extra-bright spotlight on men at the Man Xpo is just rubbing it in, regarding male dominance worldwide.”

“Hey women, get a Y chromosome!” said Broadchest.

All male attendees at the phallocratic extravaganza will receive a Man Xpo 2014 “man-sack” filled with goodies, including a sample of cigar-smoke-infused elk-jerky-flavored whiskey and a Mary Daly swimsuit poster.

This inaugural Man Xpo event will feature guest speakers and seminars, covering topics such as “How to name your beard,” “15 new beer pong strategies,” “Duct tape and WD-40: from the garage to the bedroom” and “Manscaping with a survival knife.”

There will also be a panel discussion on the issue of gender wage disparity in the porn industry.

“This is a hot-button issue, pun intended, in the adult film world right now,” said male pornstar advocate Nobby Cox. “A female star could receive one thousand dollars or more for a 30-minute shoot, while her male counterpart will typically get $20 and a coupon for a free sandwich.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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