Soccer (Used under the CC-BY-SA-3.0 license. Source:

All nine Chattanooga soccer fans gather to watch World Cup

Soccer (Used under the CC-BY-SA-3.0 license. Source:
Soccer (Used under the CC-BY-SA-3.0 license. Source:

Last evening at the local Irish pub Shane MacGowan’s Teeth, all nine soccer fans in Chattanooga gathered to watch the U.S.A. team defeat Ghana in a 2-to-1 victory at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.

“We did it! We did it!” said resident Corbin Wegner, a longtime fan of the sport, in which the competitors don’t use their hands, which is just the most darling thing.

U.S.A. team member Clint Dempsey, a name only familiar to a few dozen people across the nation, scored a stunning goal, just 29 seconds into the precious little game.

“Ja wohl!” said Volkswagen employee Stefan Beckmann, one of the three German fans in attendance, who adorably call the game “Fußball,” which just makes you want to pat them on the head and touch the tips of their noses.

“We eventually want to have the number of Chattanooga soccer fans in the double-digits,” said local Ashley Shugart, an aficionado of the delightful sport. “Where’s Brandi Chastain when you need her?”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

Previous Story

Little Debbie adds competitive eating to Ironman Chattanooga

Next Story

City approves changing bakery’s doughnut mural to dildo mural

Latest from Sports/Rec