Andy Berke

Mayor Berke to shave entire body for charity

Andy Berke
Andy Berke

At a press conference today, Mayor Andy Berke committed to shaving his entire body to help raise funds for charity.

The local charity Jack’s Chattanoggins has scheduled its annual event at the Chattanooga Market for June 1, at which time the participants will shave their heads to show support for cancer patients and raise funds to fight childhood cancer.

Berke has pledged to not only shave his head but also to completely remove any hair from his body in order to support the cause.

“It’s time to mow the lawn,” said Berke. “I’m talking every nook and cranny. When I get done, my huevos will be as smooth as summer cherries.”

“This will take me back to my Stanford days,” said Berke. “Let’s just say that my fraternity’s initiation involved a car wash and a bottle of Nair.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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