The City of Chattanooga is considering implementing a light rail system between the downtown area, the airport and Enterprise South for people who are too stuck-up to ride the bus.
“Entitled, snobbish do-gooders love public transportation,” said Transportation Director Martha Hearrin. “Well, except for buses.”
“You see, people generally think trains are romantic,” said Hearrin. “They think they’ll meet some cute French girl or hunky dude on the train, bond over some philosophical bullshit discussion and then fall in love, like in the movie Before Sunrise.”
“But when people think of buses, they think about that guy who went nuts and decapitated and cannibalized a fellow passenger on a Greyhound bus in Canada, a few years ago,” said Hearrin. “Also, people think others will assume they’re poor, if they ride the bus.”
“I think a light rail system is a great idea,” said resident Patrick Hardcastle. “I used to ride the bus, because I wanted to ‘accidentally’ meet that hot chick whose photo is on the CARTA website homepage, but I have never actually seen her on a bus. I just hope one day I’ll meet her on a train.”
