A representative from the National Socialist Movement, a neo-Nazi organization known for its belief in white supremacy and a weird saucy infatuation with Adolf Hitler, announced plans to hold a bake sale on the front lawn of the Hamilton County Courthouse on April 26th.
The Chattanooga visit is part of the organization’s “Bake and Hate” rallies across the continental United States, which celebrate the forgetting of our country being discovered by Native Americans and tasty homemade red velvet cake.
“Our true passion is the love of baking fine pastries and desserts,” said NSM leader Kenneth Whiteman. “It just so happens that we are Jew-hating, Adolf-Hitler-loving neo-Nazis.”
The group hopes delicious treats such as Hot Iron Cross Buns, Swasti-kakes, The Final Sugarlution and White Powder Donuts will sway nay-sayers into looking past their beliefs and enjoying what the bake sale has to offer.
“While my Jewish and human being heritage teaches me that these sorts of people are the lowest pieces of shit scum suckers of the Earth,” said Chattanooga Mayor Andy Berke, “I do look forward to getting my paws on some decadent thumbprint cookies in the shape of a Hitler mustache.”