Catwoman vs. Wonder Woman (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

Conservationists organize Con Nooga to propagate endangered geek population

Catwoman vs. Wonder Woman (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:
Catwoman vs. Wonder Woman (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

In 2007, conservation biologists at the University of Tennessee Chattanooga (UTC) were alarmed by trends seen in field data, showing dwindling populations of local geek life, which they attributed to the gradual loss of the natural habitats and ecosystems of geeks, such as video arcades and comic book shops.

The biologists realized that geeks were facing extinction, and in order to propagate the endangered geek population, they made the bold decision to organize an experiment, called “Con Nooga,” which is now in its seventh year.

“Con Nooga was created in order to foster captive breeding between male and female geeks, who previously had limited opportunities to intermingle,” said UTC Biology professor Dr. Emery Rackley.

Rackley further explained that male geeks were largely engaged in non-social activities, such as watching Japanese tentacle anime alone or painting metal miniature figurines of wizards using tiny brushes, and their rare social activities were typically limited to playing Magic: The Gathering with other male geeks.

Female geeks, Rackley explained, didn’t fare much better, favoring activities such as reading Anne Bishop fantasy novels or binge-watching Doctor Who, and venturing outdoors only to visit cemeteries to take photos and write goth poetry.

While marketed as a “Multi-Fandom Convention” devoted to science fiction, fantasy, cosplay, comics, anime, horror and gaming, the true purpose of Con Nooga is to offer geeks the rare, annual opportunity to pair up and reproduce, and after last weekend’s Con Nooga event at the Chattanooga Convention Center and Chattanooga Choo Choo campus, preliminary field statistics show favorable and increasing rates of geek impregnation.

“Corsets, cleavage, neon-green alcoholic drinks, and a shared fanatical admiration for Joss Whedon shows: all these help reverse the trend toward geek extinction,” said Rackley. “This year, the Necronomiprom at the Choo Choo was like the geek version of a frat-house Halloween party. Caligula would have blushed.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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