Newsboys, from Australia (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

Christian band Newsboys banned from Riverbend after offensive performance

Newsboys, from Australia (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:
Newsboys, from Australia (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

The headlining act of the 2013 Riverbend Festival’s Family & Faith Night, the Australian Christian rock band Newsboys, has been banned from performing at future Riverbend Festivals after a controversial Tuesday night performance.

The band members, clad in black leather clothing, gave a performance filled with gratuitous nudity, onstage drinking and copious profanity.

“We received very, very, very many disgruntled emails,” said head Riverbend organizer Ginger Dewarr. “Those Vegemite-munching koala-humpers won’t be coming back.”

The quartet began the performance with an enthusiastic rendition of the group’s hit song “F-ck You, Satan!” before playing another fan-favorite, “Crazy (Like a Motherf-cker about Jesus).”

Newsboys lead singer Michael Tait, also known as a founding member of DC Talk, then began the sacrament of Holy Communion onstage by throwing loaves of bread into the audience while saying, “Jesus said, ‘This is my body, broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me.'”

Tait proceeded to grab his shirt with both hands and rip it off his body, revealing his six-pack abs, saying, “And this is my body. My awesome, ripped body, for you.”

Tait then mooned the audience.

Continuing the sacrament, Tait poured a generous helping of communion wine into a large silver chalice and drank it in one gulp, before swiftly pouring another serving and imbibing it.

“We have written their management a stern letter, and it’s safe to say they won’t be coming back,” said Dewarr. “Where’s your savior now, Jesus-boys?”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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