A hypnotist (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: http://flic.kr/p/6tKy9a)

Chattanooga brothel was front for hypnosis clinic: “We will not tolerate hypnosis” says Police Chief

A hypnotist (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: http://flic.kr/p/6tKy9a)
A hypnotist (Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source: http://flic.kr/p/6tKy9a)
Chattanooga Police cracked down yesterday on a local brothel that was discovered to actually be a front for an illegal hypnosis clinic, as part of a sting operation by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation working in conjunction with local officers.

“We will not tolerate hypnosis in this city,” said Chattanooga Police Chief Stanley Molloney at a press conference yesterday afternoon, to a crowd of local residents and reporters.

“Not on my watch,” said Molloney, receiving cheers and applause.

Residents who live near the brothel, called Madame Chlamydia’s Discount House of Pleasure and Snack Bar, expressed shock and amazement that the establishment offered illegal services such as hypnotherapy and acupressure, instead of the expected acts of commercial fornication.

In an early morning raid, officers forced their way into the brothel, discovering dozens of rooms, each of which contained a bald, middle-aged Austrian doctor swinging a brass pocket-watch back and forth like a pendulum over a bleary-eyed client reclining on a chaise longue.

“I swear, I was just about to suck him off,” said one doctor, a runaway from Salzburg, who attempted to obscure his face with his tweed jacket with elbow patches, as he was being led out of the building in handcuffs by policemen.

“For heaven’s sake, my children go to school just one block away from here,” said resident Samantha Alisarin. “And to think, people were being hypnotized in there, and not getting a good old American hand job or something.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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