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Amazon, Chattanooga State to make city hub of expertise for “Walking Around and Picking Up Stuff”

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Following the success of the two Amazon Distribution Centers established in 2011 in Chattanooga and Cleveland, Tenn., which employ over two-thousand workers, Chattanooga State Community College has announced a new two-year degree, developed with the cooperation of Amazon, in order to keep up with the demand for specially skilled employees in the area.

Chattanooga State Provost Dr. Annise J. Zaffre explained at a press conference yesterday afternoon that the two-year degree, Associate of Walking Around and Picking Up Stuff (AWAPUS), features an intense, accelerated curriculum.

The first-year coursework concentrates on the finer points of the core competency of walking around, drawing from both the Stuttgart school of thought on the subject, and the opposing methods outlined by Danish walking expert Morten Sørensen-Rasmussen in his controversial 1980 treatise Kunsten at Gå: Et Skridt Fører til en Anden.

The second-year coursework expands upon the techniques and philosophies explored in the student’s first year, adding the proficiency of picking up stuff with weekly lab sessions, allowing students to practice their picking-up skills in a controlled laboratory environment before attempting them in a real industrial setting.

“Silicon Valley is known for its billion-dollar high-tech businesses. Dalton, Georgia is known for its vast carpeting expertise,” said Zaffre. “We hope, a few years from now, when people think about walking around and picking up stuff, they’ll think of Chattanooga.”

Students interested in registering for the degree program may visit the Chattanooga State campus and pick up a course catalog, featuring a stock photograph of a smiling female wearing business casual attire on its cover.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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