Kingston Trio

Track 29 becomes all-acoustic venue to resolve noise issue

Kingston Trio
Kingston Trio

Representatives for the Southside music venue Track 29 announced earlier today that it would begin to only host acoustic shows, without additional amplification, in order to address complaints from nearby residents and landowners that certain concerts are too loud.

“We have a great deal of confidence that this will be a successful change in format,” said venue representative Devin Wasserstrohm. “MTV’s all-acoustic show Unplugged has been wildly successful for years, and Nirvana’s set on that show is considered an all-time classic performance.”

“This may sound like a drastic measure, but be assured that all your favorite artists will still want to play Track 29, like Jack White, Julian Casablancas, Bassnectar, The Flaming Lips and Girl Talk,” said Wasserstrohm. “They’ll just be unplugged.”

“I hear that Gregg Gillis of Girl Talk is quite good on the clarinet,” said Wasserstrohm.

Wasserstrohm also explained that although audience clapping and cheering were not going to be prohibited, the venue will encourage attendees to snap their fingers close to their own faces instead, to keep volume levels low.

Local residents who live in the vicinity of Track 29 were pleased by the decision.

“This is great news,” said Adams Street resident Beverly Nunan. “I was sitting in my living room during that Bassnectar show, and car alarms were going off and I swear my tits were shaking like bowls of jelly in a dune buggy.”

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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