Yusuf Hakeem (l), Pedal Carriage (r) (Modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/2MUd1k)

Councilman Hakeem suggests replacing public transportation with pub-crawl pedal carriages

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Yusuf Hakeem (l), Pedal Carriage (r) (Modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/2MUd1k)
Yusuf Hakeem (l), Pedal Carriage (r) (Modified under the CC-BY-SA-2.0 license. Source: flic.kr/p/2MUd1k)

It has been a turbulent week for Chattanooga City Council Chairman Yusuf Hakeem, whose invitation to a Monday meeting to discuss a possible public voucher program in partnership with Millennium Taxi to augment inner-city transportation was rejected by Transportation Administrator Blythe Bailey.

Bailey declined attending the meeting over concerns that selecting a particular vendor early in the policy discussion might be a violation of city purchasing policies, and Hakeem responded to this by recommending that Bailey’s position be defunded because of “blatant disrespect.”

Hakeem has since radically changed his original proposal, which also included a suggestion to reduce the operating hours of the free downtown shuttle to expand usage of non-free Millennium Taxi rides, and at a press conference yesterday afternoon, Hakeem recommended replacing all public transportation with pub-crawl pedal carriages.

“This is the wave of the future,” said Hakeem. “In recent months, Chattanooga has been blessed with the addition of not one, but two different companies offering pedal-powered carriage tours between local bars and brewpubs, Chattanooga Brew Choo and Pints and Pedals.”

“This is a win-win situation,” said Hakeem. “People will get more exercise, local pubs will get more business, and this is a totally 100% green, environmentally friendly solution.”

Local alcoholics praised Hakeem’s recommendation, which could mean the proliferation of bars throughout the city so that all neighborhoods, churches and schools could be accessible via pub-crawl pedal carriages.

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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