Business Culture — 31 August 2013
Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

Used under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Source:

Many Chattanooga businesses have found themselves in the middle of a collective technical support crisis this weekend, with the temporary mass exodus of nerds from the city.

All computer and Information Technology nerds in Chattanooga and surrounding areas are simultaneously attending the annual Atlanta event Dragon Con, which gathers over 50,000 aficionados of science fiction, fantasy, anime, comics, horror, role-playing and video games.

“Our DNS server is down and our lead computer tech Wendell is down in Atlanta with his whole team, getting their photo taken with Xena, Warrior Princess,” said local CEO Timothy Chasington.

“I’ve been trying to get our firewall administrator Silvia to talk me through changing the VLAN trunk configuration, but she just keeps texting me back, ‘I just hugged the Fifth and Seventh Doctors!'” said Technical Manager Kris Terblanche. “Or she sends me photos of her dressed up as some character called ‘Hit Girl.'”

“We really should just temporarily shut down our business every year at this time,” said Terblanche.

ERRATUM (9/5/13, 10:46 am): We at the Chattanooga Bystander were informed that “DragonCon,” with no space between “Dragon” and “Con,” is an incorrect spelling of the event’s name. The proper event name is “Dragon Con: A Gathering For Nerds.” The Chattanooga Bystander regrets the error.


About Author

Francis Porkloin

Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

(35) Readers Comments

  1. If you only have one DNS server sounds like you need to fire the whole tech team and if the Technical manager does know how to work on the Vlan he needs fired as well. How do you manage what you dont understand?

    • More often than not, such decisions are not the call of the IT staff but due to budget limitations put in place but higher ups. I work in IT sales and I can explain the potential impact of a “cheap” solution all day long but some customers will always buy the bare minimum to get up and running no matter what, and it is almost never the IT staff that want to do that.

      • Total agreement here., As an IT Tech’ I was always having to fight to get anything more than the bare minimum for any project, even ones that the various “bosses” considered their personal pets. I’ve given up trying to remember the number of times I had to kludge small piles of equipment that were officially totally incompatible into a working system, and usually the night before it was needed.

      • Tell me about it. I got handed three major tasks, to add ENTIRELY new capabilities. I determined the real requirements, and provided three solutions: Low, medium, and high cost.
        And then a month into planning, got told to do it low-cost, no-cost, and my “low” proposal got rejected as “too expensive”. Re-do, for bare-bones spitwad-and-bailing-wire solution that required massive man-hours to build, even more to configure, and eats 2-3 hours a day to maintain. THAT was approved, and a week later, started getting yelled at for not having it done yet, when procurement hadn’t even placed orders . . . .


    • Up until the 1950’s or 60’s, management tended to come from people who understood what the company they headed did, how it did it, and how rivals products were stronger and weaker. Sometime in the 60’s it was decided that business managers should have more knowledge of finances than their companies products. They started moving from one company to another, often the new company’s products were totally different so the managers decided they had no need to know what their new company made, if anything. It has now got to the point where unless a firm is family owned and run, the management might as well be sealed off from the firm and just pass down random orders…Thinking about it, I’m pretty sure that’s how a lot of companies ARE managed.

    • A small company doesn’t need a DNS server at all. At the fairly large organization where I worked, a single DNS server (a 386 running a version of linux) was enough to propagate our external addresses. It never went down.
      As for trying to manage what you don’t understand, don’t get me started.

      • Well, if your servers are Win2000 or better. . . you have one, whether you want it or not. . .

  2. Dear Francis,

    You are an ass. Not as in the part of the human anatomy, but more like the one used to haul wagons and plow fields, eating grass and regularly standing in your own feces. I’m terribly sorry if “normal” people were inconvenienced for 4 days of the year (only one of which was an actual working day). Calling someone a nerd in a derogatory manner doesn’t make you cool, or funny, it makes you a bully. It makes you an ass. Mr Chasington is an even bigger ass. I hope he finds it in his severely limited and restrictive conscience/vocabulary to issue an apology to those working in his tech department for belittling them. I hope they all quit and give him the finger as they walk out the door. The world is obviously run by nerds since you can’t live without us for ONE SINGLE working day. You have a nerd to thank for the computer on which you type your blithering, incoherent articles on. You give a voice to the voiceless? No, you jump on the bandwagon and shame an entire sub group of people for having a long weekend. The next time you, or he, goes to Vegas or New Orleans to enjoy yourselves for a few days, I hope someone punches you in the throat for trying to have a good time.

    Ashley M. Ward (nerd, college graduate, feminist and Dragon Con attendee)

    • Well, how do I remove this? Satire. Ha. Who knew? Everyone but me.

  3. Please correct the spelling of the event’s name – “Dragon Con”

    • Is this a joke?

      • Well, the article is. We all know it. But the technical business name is Dragon Con not DragonCon. People just shorten it and everyone gets used to it because the website link only uses it as one word.

      • And I’m still recovering from the weekend. If you’re going to pretend to be someone asking yourself a question, use one of the other account options lol

  4. *sigh* We aren’t nerds, we’re geeks.

    • As much as you want it to be, there is no difference. A geek and a nerd are indistinguishable to normal people.

      I also find the designation offensive. Rather than say be open to all people and whatever they like, you simply tried to put yourself above nerds. That’s a sad indictment on humanity. Geek, nerd, whatever, be happy with yourself and what you like.

      • I always thought that the difference was specialist versus generalist…A computer geek, a video game geek, a TV show geek. A nerd is a multiple category geek, but specializes in none.

        Ya’ll did read the part on the bottom bar that says this is satire, right?

      • whats fuckng normal?

        • Generally people in the majority. You miss the point though.

      • There is a difference between the two.

        Geek – An enthusiast of a particular topic or field. Geeks are collection oriented, gathering facts and mementos related to their subject of interest. They are obsessed with the newest, coolest, trendiest things that their subject has to offer.

        Nerd – A studious intellectual, although again of a particular topic or field. Nerds are “achievement” oriented, and focus their efforts on acquiring knowledge and skill over trivia and memorabilia.

    • I’m a nerdy geek.

    • Extremely self-obsessive geeks. A real shame cosplayers don’t go to children’s hospitals, orphanages, day cares, old folk’s homes to brighten up their lives.

      • ahh you know this actually does happen don’t you?

        • tho Darth Maul at an old folks home does not sound like a good idea

        • Sorry, sir, but, at least on Facebook, I’ve not seen any proof of it. I did continuously see a lot of risque, here’s my costume thus far, here’s me dressed up to watch Wicked and helplessly surrounded by photographers, tell me what costume to wear to the next con, the 2000th like gets a free photo, etc… posts. Bleh! I unfollowed every cosplayer.

          • you are aware, I hope, that life does not begin and end on Facebook. Besides, do you really want to insist that people conform to your moral code?

          • Well, when you can produce proof cosplayers do such things, then I’ll believe it. And I didn’t imply it was a moral issue. Are you insisting that people conform to your moral code?

          • Well, no obviously not, since I have made no moral judgement, as you have in finding fault with cosplayers in general and assuming that they have no altruistic actions. I have been doing Klingon for 20 years, and in the Star Trek community there is a very strong charitable tradition. Many clubs, costume up and raise money for charity and such. I don’t count coup, and don’t use it to validate or justify my hobby to myself. Also as such, I have no inclination to justify it to you, but shall in the spirit of equinimity. I am simply noting that I have seen such charitable actions through the years. For example,there is in Hastings Mn. A twin cities exurb, a convention called CharityCon which the local costumers attend and are an attraction for raising money for charitable efforts. Klingons have forever done BloodDrives as well. I would suggest that your concerns are not really based on reality, but what you think you see on FaceBook, which I have noted is not the sum of real life

          • Sir, I apologize if I’ve offended you and yours but, from what I can tell by the cosplayers that I’ve followed, and that’s what I base my comments on, they are extremely self-centered. Hopefully when our comic book is publish and we have followers, I’ll corral them to the nearest children’s hospital, orphanages, old folks homes, battered wives shelters, etc…

          • nuff said

  5. Simple solution, pay them more and the right to call people out on their bullshit.
    Maybe they would stick around, you pay for loyality.

  6. rofl

  7. I frakking love Dragon*Con

  8. Nerds run the World, even in your little Universe.

    • That had to be an auto correct because I know you meant Verse…

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